purpose to melody

I hate feeling regrets, and I avoid it as much as possible. I make choices, and I stick by them and don't look back at the other options I had or at what might have happened if I had done something differently. Now I'm looking ahead and how I will look back at the end of the summer. I'm already feeling regrets for how I might spend my summer.

I am presented with the choice of taking the contract with the military, working at the church camp, or trying to find another job. I don't think going to the gym every day is an option for me, or just sitting around. I'm concerned about the amount of time I will spend doing something. I want to be busy, but I want to be doing some purposeful and that I'm interested in. I could volunteer at karate camp the rest of the summer, or laze around and enjoy life. Or be bored. I'm going in tomorrow to see if I can make my contract longer and try to stay on base for the full 8 weeks, but it's not very likely.

If I go the Halifax, I'll be there for 3 weeks, and 3 weeks only. I will be learning things, and I will be having a good time. I will not have to pay a cent, and I will be benefiting myself, and my country when I become trained to do more things. I will be able to play softball, but not attend all the games.

If I decide to reject my contract and work at church, I will risk not getting that job already because I already withdrew my application and told them I wasn't going to take it. I will suffer the unspoken resentment for not putting camp first, and jumping the gun by not thinking about my choice to withdraw the second I got my contract. If I do get the job, I will be working(or volunteering, depending on govt. funding) for 8 weeks straight, and I will be busy. I will be getting some job experience, but more importantly I will be serving the kids and serving God. I will also get to play softball without any other commitments.

If I decide to try to look for another job, I have a chance to have work for the full 8 weeks and maybe more, but I may not enjoy it or the hours may be crap and I might not get to play softball.

I'm not concerned about the money. I don't care about money. I think I'm over that now. I made a lot last summer, and I made a lot during the year, but it's not what drives me anymore. It's not a factor in what I do. The amount is not in question, but I would much rather take a job that involves payment. So I'm torn between taking that short contract, or trying to get the VBS job, or looking into something else.