Psalm 43

I read this today in my qt.

3 Send forth your light and your truth,
let them guide me;
let them bring me to your holy mountain,
to the place where you dwell.

4 Then will I go to the altar of God,
to God, my joy and my delight.
I will praise you with the harp,
O God, my God.

5 Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

It's tough to do that. Especially when there is so much out there in the world to distract and to put your trust in, even in godly people. Those people are important, and important to me and my life, but sometimes I need to stop and really think about where and who I'm putting my trust in first. Some days it's easy, some days it's hard. But I've gotta press on and just live it day by day I guess. Because the choices I make today will change the way my life turns out, and I have realized that it's not wise to make all these long term plans, because in the end, my plans will get smashed anyways, and there's no sense in putting my hope in my plans for the future and ignore what I do today, or get so caught up in great plans for myself that I forget about what I need to do now to get there. Romans 12 says to be transformed, and not conform. And I guess that could sum up what life should look like. Be transformed by God and his grace and mercy, and not conform to the ways of the world. I guess there are a lot of those 'summing up' things. Like loving God and your neighbour. The Bible even says that those two sum it up. If you do that, there shouldn't be many problems. And I guess for me, I still gotta learn to love God and to genuinely love my neighbour. But only with the help of God, hey?
Looking back now at the past couple weeks and my struggles with myself and with my decision for next year, I know I shouldn't have worried, because the door just keeps opening wider and wider, but my parents are also stepping into that door, but not really sure if they're going to go through with me, or walk and try to close it, or at least put a stopper in there and not let me go through right now. And as Pastor Ngor said, when God opens a door, just jump through and don't look back. I know I want to do this, and I've prayed and prayed and others have prayed with me and for me, and it still seems like theres a tug of war going on right now. I guess I'll have to wait and see for God's timing. From what I've experienced in the past little while, God doesn't speak in the ways that we expect it. So patience I guess, and faith and trust in God to allow me to make the right choice, and also respect and love for my parents and their place of authority over me. Because if God wants me on the mission field on the other side of the world, He'll get me there, and he will always provide.