purpose to melody

Yesterday I went to church in the morning, and it was different than my home church, but still felt at home and was able to worship freely, something that doesn't even always happen at my own church. And now that I think about it, there's something wrong there. Because either I'm leading or I'm controlling sound, so it's rare that I am ever part of the congregation, even though I've been trying to cut down and be a worshiper in the crowd, so that's something I gotta get back to, because it always feels like when I'm at a conference or at another church, it's so much easier to let myself go and worship freely. It's probably also an attitude thing, with being mindful of the people around me. So time to change myself inside to out with this realization of an old problem.

Last night myself, my friend in the block, and this other guy on base went out to have coffee and to talk about our faith. He was a practicing Catholic, and knew his stuff and was serious about it, and we had some pretty intense discussion over some big issues, like truth, what makes the truth, what is the word of God, what makes it the word of God, what makes the authority, how can we know that it's not corrupt....And then this stranger overhears us and asks to join, who happens to be from a Orthodox background, and he brought up some issues as well. I didn't speak much, but definitely was thinking a whole lot and after 3 hours of that, I was completely spent, even though I probably only spoke up 4 times. This past week here has really been an experience of being out there, out of my church and PCA shell, in what the world and the people in it are really like, how they think, what they think, what they believe, why they believe it. And it's been really stretching me, mentally, emotionally, spiritally, and even physically at times. Sometimes I just want to go to bed, but sometimes I know and feel the tugging to speak out and to live out what I say and know I believe. It's so easy to just sit back and let the whole course pass me by, but it's impossible to say that I am what I say I am and tell others that I am born again if I don't live it. Everything that was taught to me in Sunday school, bible class, world religions, philosophy, everything that I have ever dealt with concerning my faith, my life, what I believe, my struggles and my realization of the truth, the times I've spent growing in the Spirit by myself in the word, the times I've spent learning from others and growing with them, the times I've prayed for my world to be rocked upside-down and for my life to show what I believe, the times I've prayed that God would bring people into my life that I could share with...it ALL comes together, and came together now and during this past week. It's been tough, but it's definitely been a blessing, and it's been a huge learning experience and growing experience, learning to trust in the work of the Spirit and in the strength and comfort of God. It's been a test as well, whether or not I can stand up there and actively define myself as different, and to say that I am just ask broken and beat as everyone else, separated by the single fact that I have Jesus in my life.